Hello, friends.
It has been a struggle to find the words this week. It was my birthday last Friday and I took the day off to write at Mt. Angel Abbey. The day couldn’t have been more perfect. The sun was out and the community rooms at the guesthouse were quiet but I couldn’t complete a full thought. I kept starting new thoughts which led to three incomplete essays! This is laughable to me because this same thing happened on my birthday at Mt. Angel Abbey in 2021. Back then, I managed to write a newsletter. This year, not so much.
I have been at this writing thing for some time now. It started out and stayed mostly inconsistent but over this past year, I feel as if I am gaining the muscle to keep going. I love it so much and I am beyond thankful you take the time to read my words! I went back and reread my birthday essay from 2021, and decided to republish this essay because it still rings true. I hope it will for you too!
Much love,
So, writing. What a bitch.
~ Anne Lamott
The labor of creativity
As I write this newsletter, I am sitting alone on the top floor of the Mt. Angel Abbey Retreat Center in Mt. Angel, Oregon looking out at squares of green and brown fields perfectly framed by lush green hillsides. The only people I have seen are a few guests and the monks that live here. It is my birthday today and I choose to give myself a day of prayer and writing at this beautiful location, far away from the busy house and city.
With a few projects in mind, I settled down to begin only to feel like a toddler who didn’t want to eat their vegetables. I wanted this time to be inspirational, pleasant, and frankly, easy. I didn’t want to feel resistance or wrestle with my perfectionistic tendencies. I feared I would clumsily stumble through the day barely forming sentences while obsessing about the closest place to get an iced latte. I ultimately feared I would have nothing to show for (good or even mediocre) after a full day of writing.
This doesn’t feel like creativity, it feels like hard labor! I thought to myself.
In the book, Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert writes that creative living can often feel like the unglamorous labor of a farmer. As I remembered this quote, I looked out the window at the miles of outstretched farmland and pictured myself in the middle of those fields wearing dirty coveralls, tired and sweaty, my hands stained with earth. Surrounded by the immensity of the work before me, I felt small and insignificant. It was then I felt the brilliance in Gilbert’s quote and a spark of life grew from my fingers onto the keys before me. And like a farmer, I went to work, row by row by row. All day I wrote, word by word by word. I worked through the exhaustion, the monotony, and the constant urge to quit early.
You see, there was no magic in taking a full day to pursue my creativity. Retreat or no retreat, I am still a laborer. The hardship and monotony of my creativity follow me everywhere I go but so do the fleeting but magical moments of inspiration.
This is the labor of pursuing a dream.
If you are struggling with resistance and the urge to give up on whatever God has placed in your heart to do, picture yourself in dirty coveralls smack bad in the middle of a cornfield. I’m serious about this. I showed up here expecting something magical to happen but instead, it was hard work just to get this newsletter out!
It is easy to forget that dreams take work. And the work needs laborers willing to show up and get their hands dirty. I clumsily showed up today and will continue to show up.
Row by row by row.
Word by word by word.
And I pray you will find it in yourself to do the same.
Want to give me a birthday gift? Share below what dreams you are pursuing!
In other news, I’ve started a Welcoming Prayer series!
If you resonated with my newsletter about the Welcoming Prayer, I am offering a bi-monthly deep dive into this spiritual practice for my paid subscribers. Twice a month, I plan to offer more insight into the Welcoming Prayer, helpful tools, resources, printables, and recorded meditations to aid you in this practice. Consider upgrading your subscription to receive these special newsletters.
P.S. Upgrading would also be a fine birthday gift. 🙃
What an interesting coincidence. I have been thinking a lot about this lately; a friend also did a post about it, and I just published a post in this same vein as well! Must be the creative season!