When my husband Josh and I had just begun dating, a good friend sat me down to share her concerns. I knew it was coming with Josh being shy of nine months since rehab. It was a typical conversation, expressing care and wanting the best for me. I heard her out and shared I wasn’t going in blind, I knew the risks of dating someone with a “history”. But after a painful experience of dating a “perfect Christian man”, someone with all their cards on the table was a breath of fresh air (even if that fresh air include cigarette smoke).
In Brian McLaren’s book “Do I stay Christian?” he addresses what it means to say both yes and no to the Christianity we inherited. He expounds on this idea in the latest season of the “Learning how to see” podcast discussing our natural evolution as humans, moving through stages of simplicity, complexity, and perplexity. Brian shares:
I don’t have to accept or reject Christianity as the one true religion, as I did in simplicity. Nor do I have to sort through all the complexities to fix Christianity, creating my own successful form of it as I did in complexity. Nor do I have to stay in a state of perpetual skepticism and suspicion as I did in perplexity…
That’s why I really believe there are ways in which we must all say a yes and a no to the Christianity we have inherited, so we can focus on the how of living of well. Because whether you identify as a Christian or not, you are still a human being and you are still passing through life’s stages.1
You are not a stagnant being. You are constantly evolving both in big and small ways. Your faith is also not stagnant, yet much of the messaging around doubt and deconstruction is, well… don’t do it. Stay put: Stay in your tradition, in your church, in your cultural norms. But we simply cannot help ourselves, questions and doubts are part of being an ever-evolving human who desires safety, security, and happiness. When the Christian community stopped being a safe place, we evolved. When our churches no longer offered us healthy attachments, we shifted. And when we experienced more division in our Christian culture than grace, we moved. In order to live well, we must examine our lives and find the planks that need to be removed. Deconstruction is a deeply personal evolution that moves us through stages of learning and unlearning, the yes and no’s of ourselves, our communities, and even faith itself. But McLaren is saying you can evolve in your faith without losing it fully.
When I first met Josh, he was the rebel on campus with long, untamed hair. I, on the other hand, was in Student Government and an Honor student. We couldn’t have been more different but nonetheless, our humanity continued to evolve and we learned to embrace the yes and no of one another. We will be married for 15 years this coming July.
I have been a Christian for 30 years and I still claim the title knowing there is tension. I am not going in blind. This often feels messy, especially with the dark stains of the white American Evangelical church. But I can say no to that while still saying yes to Jesus. I can say yes and no because Christianity is still moving through its very human stages. We still have much to learn and though it might take a few bouts of rehab, Christianity can and is changing now into looking more like Jesus.
Question for discussion: What does it look like for you to say yes and no to the Christianity you inherited?
Brian McLaren “Learning how to see” Podcast - Season 3 Episode 1
It seems like yesterday that we were all going to each others weddings. Crazy how much has changed since then.
I caught myself saying some Christian quip the other day and I started wondering if I even believed it. I’ve started rethinking thoughts and beliefs about certain “Christian” ideas. I am saying “Yes” to leaning into scripture and learning to really question all the commentary presented to me about it. I’m saying “Yes” to more of Jesus and no to getting caught up in dividing conversations and ideals. It’s challenging to dig deep and rethink but it is the refining and sharpening our spirits need to keep us authentic and genuine in our faith.